Too Close
by existential1rony
Summary: A close informant from Jay's past resurfaces as a suspect and really throws Jay's emotions into a loop. Hailey tries to be there for him like she always is, but he's not having it this time. When they both realize why, it'll change the whole course of their relationship. #Upstead orientated, of course.


**[Disclaimer: It pains me that I have to do this because I sadly still have hope in humanity and morals, but alas... It's been brought to my attention that some people have been stealing my stories. I ONLY post on FanFiction and ArchiveofourOwn... so if you come across anything of mine on Wattpad or any of the socials, please report it. Thank you! And to the offenders, be better people!] **

* * *

The latest case the Intelligence team is working on involves someone from Jay's past. An informant he knew long before he knew the team, around the time he was making detective. In fact, Jay still believes to this day that it was with Luke's help he rose to his detective rank. Needless to say, the fact that Luke is now their prime suspect in some bad drug deals, hasn't been sitting well with Jay. He's made the team aware of only the fact that he knew Luke in the past and had worked with him, refusing to go into graphic detail of the confidential case. They're all aware there's more to it though with how on edge Jay has been the past few days, none more than Hailey. He has yet to open up to her on his own, but she's not giving up so easy, using their current alone time staked out in the van to pry it out of him.

"So, you gonna tell me what's really going on? Or we just gonna keep pretending that you're fine, when you're clearly not?"

"You don't have to worry, Hailey. If it turns out that Luke is good for this, I can do the job and nail him."

"I'm not worried about you doing your job, Jay… I'm worried about you! You've been off since we got this case."

"I'm fine…" he says as adamantly as possible.

"Yea, where have I heard that before?" she smirks at him.

Jay knows Hailey won't let up until he talks, and he would love to get some things off his chest, so before he even realizes it he finds himself spilling to her.

"Luke was a CI of mine about 8 years ago now, we bonded because he was a soldier too. While I came back from overseas burying myself in alcohol, police work, and blocking; he came back to drugs. I always felt like we were two in the same, just one of us turned left, the other right… My life could have easily become his if it wasn't for the force…" he says slightly emotionally.

Hailey sits there patiently and empathetically listening, letting him get it all out. She knows this isn't easy for him.

"Once he got hooked on the shit, he figured he might as well make income too, so he became a low-level runner. He once told me that that life for him was as much as a distraction as the job was to me. He didn't mind it until some of the drugs they were given to push ended up killing a teenager that year. That's when he reached out to us, and I got assigned to him because of our similar backgrounds. He helped us catch the big fish, which helped me to become detective - and seeing me do so well he swore to me he was gonna get clean and out of the life… and he did, at least as far as I knew. I kept tabs on him and checked in for the next couple years, but then Intelligence came along, and Erin, and I let Luke fall to the wayside…"

He drifts off, now completely lost in his own thoughts. He's never told anyone about his relationship with Luke, but finds it's only appropriate he laid it all out for Hailey. He seems to always be able to tell her anything.

Hailey gives him a moment to himself before she speaks again, but she places her hand comfortingly on his shoulder.

"Jay, whatever Luke has done since you last saw each other is NOT on you… you guided him as much as you could."

"I should have been there for him, Hails…" he looks down at the van floor, partly ashamed, partly angry that Luke didn't keep his word.

Hailey goes to speak again, but gets caught off by their two-ways going off. It's time for the next phase… their conversation will have to be postponed. She gives Jay's shoulder one last squeeze before they exit the van.

* * *

The next day brings the team information that Luke is, in fact, their prime target. _He's_ the "big fish" this time around and Jay is surprised how much anger that brings him. Luke has been cutting his product with excessive amounts of lidocaine and selling cheaper than most… getting people hooked faster and coming back for more and more. The batches are now said to be responsible for the overdose-related deaths of two prostitutes. When all of this comes to light at their morning briefing, Jay slams down the folder of paper work he's holding and quickly storms out of the room, leaving everyone staring agape.

Hailey looks at everyone apologetically, she's not sure if it's for Jay or her, and tells them to give her a minute, running after Jay.

She finds him sitting out back on the steps, a simmering rage in his eyes. She sits down next to him and places her hand on his arm, only for him to shrug it away, more aggressively than he intended. She flinches.

"Jay, we need to talk about this."

"There's nothing to talk about. Let's just nail the prick and get this over with!"

"Jay…"

"What!? I'm fine, Hailey! He's obviously not the person I thought he was, not the first time, probably won't be the last!"

"You're too close to this, Jay, we have to tell Voight!"

Jay swiftly stands up, seemingly angrier. "NO! With all due respect Hailey, we won't tell Voight! I told you everything in confidence! I can handle this!"

It doesn't go unnoticed by them that they've had very similar conversations in the past, but now is not the time to take a step down memory lane.

Hailey, slightly infuriated now too, stands up with him. "Fine, but you're not getting near Luke when it's finally time to arrest him!"

"Yea, okay. Whatever." He half agrees and they both stubbornly walk back inside.

Jay is pissed with himself at how angry he got with Hailey; he knows she's just watching his back like she always does and trying to be there for him. But for some reason, it's annoying him this time around. He can't pin point why yet, but brushes it off, assuming it will blow over. He's aware of his feelings for her and can't see himself staying mad at her for too long…

The next few days go by in a blur. Adam and Kevin have been undercover trying to gather more intel with Luke's people. Voight has tried to keep Jay as far back as possible; Hailey kept her word not spilling the beans, but Voight's not stupid and can tell how much Luke being Jay's former CI is affecting him. Hailey has tried to be there for Jay, but he's brushed her off at every endeavor, much to her (and his) dismay. Everyone's hoping this will be over soon, its toll is showing.

* * *

The final reprieve happens a week later. Kevin and Adam were able to get Luke's minions to secure a buy date with him. They agreed upon an abandoned warehouse. The two will go inside for the meet, while Voight, Antonio, and Kim will do their best to secure the back. Voight has instructed Jay and Hailey that they're to monitor out front _only_, and to not engage at any cost… he's clearly counting on Hailey to keep Jay back and level-headed.

While they're sitting in Jay's truck, Hailey can sense how antsy he is. They haven't spoken much since their pseudo-fight on the steps. Hailey's starting to feel this is the first time, since the beginning of their partnership at least, that she can't reach him. She doesn't know what else to do at this point.

"Jay, you have to relax, this will all be over soon!" she attempts to soothingly say to him.

"That's easy for you to say. This will never be over." He shakes his head.

"What do you mean?"

"If it's not Luke, it'll be someone else I let down… or someone else who abuses trust... or another addict hooked because they can't face their past… another dealer making them their prey… what's the difference?"

"Jay, none of this is on you. You're not Luke, he's certainly _not you_! Stop beating yourself up."

"That's not what this is about, not entirely…"

"I don't understand." She looks at him confused.

"I'm not sure I do either. But it doesn't matter."

"Jay…"

She starts to say as Voight interrupts both of their thoughts over the walkie.

"Luke is spooked, he's running… buy is off. We'll get him another way, don't raise more suspicions. Stand down. I repeat, STAND DOWN!"

Jay and Hailey look at each other… she slowly starts to shake her head at him.

"Don't even think about it!" she tells him.

"Hailey, I NEED to do this!" his eyes plead with hers.

She takes a deep breath, and rolls her eyes at herself. She knows this will be both of their asses if this somehow goes sideways, but she just can't refuse him. She sighs.

"Fine, let's go…"

The words are barely out of her mouth before Jay is hopping out of the truck and running towards the warehouse, her quickly behind.

Once inside, they see Luke instantly running their way. He stops dead in his tracks as he spots them. Jay and Luke stare at each other for a long moment; both Hailey and Jay pointing their gun at him.

"It's over Luke…"

"Well, if it isn't the moral Halstead, I should have known… long time!" he doesn't put his hands up, but also makes no move of threat yet.

"What happened to you man? You were doing so good!"

"Oh, suddenly you care again? Let's be real here, I was just your ticket to becoming a detective. We were never army brothers."

"That's not true, Luke. I cared… and at one point you cared too. This isn't supposed to be you!"

"You're right, but people change… while you were off making your _detective_ money, I was struggling to stay afloat. Do you know how hard it is for a former addict in constant AA _and_ war-torn veteran with PTSD to get a well-paying job, or any job!? It was just easier to go back to selling…"

"You could have come to me. I would have helped."

"Don't you get it? I DIDN'T WANT TO! Man, when I saw the money I could make once I started producing my own product, woowee!"

Jay suddenly gets enraged at that. Hailey quickly notices the change before he even replies.

"What the fuck man!? You're KILLING people! We enlisted to protect… also, you came to me to protect people from and put away people like you!"

"I'm not killing anyone… it's not my fault if a junkie doesn't know when to stop. And don't act all holier than thou… like bodies aren't strewn all about in war… at least with drugs, they're pulling the trigger themselves!"

"What the hell is wrong with you!? You promised me you would stay clean, stay on the straight & narrow. I TRUSTED YOU!"

"That's your first mistake. You trusted the person I was… I'm not that man anymore… Hell, I don't even know if I was that man when we met, I think I was just in denial. Maybe even playing you, I'm not entirely sure. But I sure as shit would have never trusted me!"

Jay snaps then, and Hailey notices, but is entirely too late to stop it. Before she knows it, Jay swiftly walks over to Luke and punches him, hard, in the face. Luke stumbles back and Jay sticks his gun in his temple. Luke smiles up at him.

"DO IT! You know you want to!"

Jay looks at him with a glint in his eye and hears Hailey scream irately at him, with a hint of fear.

"JAY!"

Jay clocks Luke in the forehead with the bottom of his gun, knocking him to the ground. He turns around to look at Hailey, seeing a mix of disappointment and relief in her face.

He promptly starts walking away to leave, as he passes by Hailey on the way he tells her, "Arrest this prick! I'm done with him…"

He exits the warehouse with Luke lying on the floor bleeding, feeling worse than he has all week, if it's even possible…

* * *

The day finally over, Jay is sitting at the bar at Molly's by himself nursing a beer. He wishes he could drown everything out, but there's no such luck. He's finally admitted to himself that his anger lies with trusting Luke. He feels he's been played for a fool, reminding him of Erin leaving without so much as a goodbye. At first he thought it was all about letting down Luke, mad that he wasn't there for him. However he realizes now he's just sick of trusting people, the _few_ that he ever has, and getting let down. Which is why he's found himself pushing Hailey away… it's best for them anyway. She's probably better off without him. He hears the bar stool move next to him and gets overwhelmed by her scent. He swallows another long sip of beer, speak of the devil…

"Hey." She says simply to him and he nods hello.

"I figured you were here when I drove by your place and your truck wasn't there." She says cautiously, trying to smile at him

He purses his lips and nods his head. "Here I am."

"Soo… You ran out of the precinct pretty quick after Voight reamed you out… I didn't get to thank you for covering for me."

"There's no need for both of us to get in trouble, it was all me anyway; my choice to confront Luke."

"Yea, but I didn't do anything to stop you. You looked at me and I let you go inside."

"There would have been no stopping me, Hailey. Not this time."

"Yea, about that… we need to talk about this all, Jay. You can't keep everything bottled up. Something with Luke really set you off, and you need to get it out."

"Yea, that's not happening. I'm fine!"

"Jay, you're not fine."

"Hailey," he says more sternly, "I said this is not happening. Not with you, not anymore."

Starting to get angry herself now, she says, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"_It means_, I'm fine. You can stop worrying about me, I don't need you to. Go worry about Adam. We don't have to discuss every little thing, it's not your problem. _I'm_ not your problem."

Hailey is livid now and hops off the stool, standing next to him now.

"Y'know Jay, I don't need this! If you're content with going on another downwards spiral after you made such progress, that's on you. I'm not pulling you out of it this time if you're gonna act like this!"

"Good. _I don't want you to_!" he stares directly into her eyes as he says it and sees them cloud over with hurt, he hates himself for it, but he won't back down.

He expects her to say something else, but she just calmly grabs her jacket, gives him one last 'death stare,' and walks out. He feels his heart break.

An hour passes while he sits at the bar nursing another beer, completely depressed, when Adam walks in. He's shocked to see him, figuring he'd be with Hailey by now.

"Hey man!" he says as Adam slaps his back and sits next to him.

"What's up brother? Damn, after the day you had, you probably need the whole bar!"

Jay smiles slightly for the first time all week. "Yea, I've certainly had better days!"

"I'll bet! Let me buy you a shot." He signals over to the bartender and she brings them two.

"Thanks man!"

"No problem!"

Adam asks for a beer and takes a long sip when he gets it.

"So how come you aren't with Hailey tonight? Isn't this your guys' thing?" Adam asks Jay confused.

"Funny, I was gonna ask you the same thing!"

Adam gives him a weird look. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing man, guess you're not seeing her tonight?"

"Jay, Hailey and I stopped seeing each other _weeks_ ago…"

"What?" Jay is completely thrown off and surprised.

"Yea, she broke it off about a month ago at least… she didn't tell you?"

"No…"

Adam chuckles slighty, "Makes sense."

"What does?"

"It was never me that she cared about, at least, not in that way."

"I'm not following."

Adam cracks up at how genuinely confused Jay looks. "Damn bro, you really are horrible with women… it's you she cares about Jay, not me. You have to be _blind_ not to see it. If she didn't end things with me, I was gonna do it myself!"

Jay sits there taking it all in… and relief washes over him… and embarrassment… and fear at what a shithead he's been to her recently…

"Fuck, thanks man!" Jay says as he throws some money on the bar and starts walking out.

"Just remember to name your first kid Adam if it's a boy…" he hollers at Jay laughing as he walks out.

* * *

Jay's been standing outside Hailey's door for a good five minutes when he finally gets up the nerve to knock. He knows she must hate him right now and he can't entirely blame her. When she opens the door he notices how it looks like she had tears in her eyes recently. She doesn't look thrilled to see him, but steps aside to let him in. Once she closes the door and they step into the kitchen, he finally speaks.

"Hailey, I'm soo sorry…" he looks at her sincerely, but even though she knows he is, she has no intent of letting him off the hook so easy.

"It's fine, Jay... I get it. We're partners, we don't owe each other anything once the work day is done."

His heart constricts at how hurt and deflated she sounds, especially knowing he caused it.

"It's not fine… I was a jerk and handled things all wrong, especially with you. Just, everything with Luke brought up bad memories of trusting people. I don't trust easily because the few times I do I get bit from it… Luke, Erin, it just brought it all back how close I was with them and how badly that turned out. Reminded me that I've now gotten too close to you too…"

"Really Jay? Have I ever given you a reason to doubt your trust in me? Has it ever looked like I'll abandon you or turn into a criminal?"

"No… but that's what scares me. I didn't think that about them either."

She rolls her eyes at him, clearly pretty pissed off. "Well Jay, if that's how you feel about me, that I'm like _them_… then we should just end our partnership right now. If I haven't proven to you by now how loyal I am to you," she hesitates slightly, "…and how much I care… then it's pretty pointless to keep trying."

"No, of course you have. This isn't coming out right…"

"You think?" she looks at him with sarcasm.

He tries to change course, not knowing how else to put everything out there.

"Why didn't you tell me that you broke up with Adam?"

"EXCUSE ME?" she says now completely annoyed.

"I saw him at Molly's and he told me. Why'd you break up with him?"

"No, No, Jay! You don't get to push me away all week and then get to accuse me of why I didn't discuss a part of my personal life with you! That's not how this works, and it's none of your business! What does me being with Adam have anything to do with this?"

"Because it matters to me!"

"Why?"

"Because it DOES!"

She's even more irritated now, if that's possible. "WHY?"

"BECAUSE IT MATTERS, HAILEY!"

"WHY JAY, WHY DOES IT MATTER!?" she yells back.

Jay says it so softly, she barely hears him. "Because I'm in love with you…" she stares up at him looking for clarification.

He finally realizes it's time to put it all on the line, everything be damned.

"IT MATTERS, BECAUSE I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!"

He grabs her face and kisses her passionately before she even gets a chance to respond to his words. She melts into the kiss and lets out a little moan and that's all the encouragement he needs. He lifts her up and as she wraps her legs around his waist he carries her to the bedroom. He'll gladly continue to go through weeks of Hell if this is how they end.

He wakes the next morning to find Hailey staring at him smiling, his arms wrapped around her. He can't help but grin too.

"What are you smiling at?" he asks.

"You…"

He chuckles. "Well, you're not so bad yourself."

She cups his cheek. "Jay…" He just patiently waits for her to continue.

"I love you, too…"

"I know." He simply says and she stares at him surprised.

"How? You could have fooled me, especially this week!"

"Yea, I kinda realized when you told me you'd follow me blind… but you were with Adam, so I was confused. And then all these months passed and I started second-guessing myself. Figured I was wrong about someone again. But when Adam told me last night that you weren't together anymore, I knew."

She gives him a smile filled with love; he never ceases to amaze her.

"Well, speaking of following you blind, I think I have to take that back."

"Why?"

"After last night, I think I need my eyes open to always have the full view…" she flirtatiously jokes.

Jay cracks up, sincerely, for the first time in weeks. He rolls on top of her as she wraps her arms around his neck.

"Is that so? Y'know Hailey, if it was anyone but you, I think I'd feel violated…" he smirks right before he kisses her. Finally, all is right in Jay's world.

* * *

_[A/N: Another story that came into my head & I just had to get out... this one in the middle of the night, so apologies if my delirium shows, lol. Hope you enjoy another little bit of Upstead, and thanks for reading! ...Also, RIP Luke Perry - where the OC name is from /3 ]_


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